If I was a teenager, you would say that I was experimenting, if I was in my twenties, you would say I was on a journey looking for experience, but I am a 36yo, so let’s say I am finding myself. What does that even mean? How did I get lost? Where was that moment that I got lost? These are good questions, ones that do not have easy or simple answers.
I often joke that I am that person that can break anything, especially if it says it is unbreakable. Like it’s a challenge for me. I would be perfect as a ‘toy tester’ or ‘system tester’ for IT. Maybe not something I should joke about, especially with matters of the heart.
I was listening to the radio, driving the kids' home from school pick up, feeling like I was in the middle of the apocalypse, waiting for the zombies to appear thinking I was ill-equipped for this situation. Kate Langbrook is talking about when her son had leukemia and her favourite phrase was;
"If you find yourself in hell, keep walking"
I pulled the car over and cried.
I was given a book by an important mum type in my life, only pages into the book and then page after page I have realisations, lightbulb moments, pangs of a full spectrum of emotions.
Sometimes you can be told something over and over again, you can hear it, but you are just not listening. Why is this so? I sit in front of the same professional every Monday. It’s hard, challenging, rewarding and satisfying. She says the things I have heard so many times before, but this time I am listening.